


A Study in Stupidity

by celtic7irish



Series: Tony Stark Bingo 2019 [10]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bucky on a Mission, Canon-Typical Violence, College Campus, Gen, Humor, Hydra at University, Lab explosions, really - Freeform, this story is ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 14:21:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20211184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celtic7irish/pseuds/celtic7irish
Summary: James strode through the hallways of the university, trying not to draw attention to himself, moving with purpose, as if he belonged here.  His primary concern was remaining unnoticed by the Hydra agents he’d spotted standing around one of the buildings.  Secondary mission was to figure out why they were here and what they were guarding.  What could so important on a college campus that Hydra felt the need to post guards to protect it?Or: The Chem Lab Explosion Nobody Asked For





	A Study in Stupidity

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Tony Stark Bingo Square K3: Explosion in the lab

James strode through the hallways of the university, trying not to draw attention to himself, moving with purpose, as if he belonged here. His primary concern was remaining unnoticed by the Hydra agents he’d spotted standing around one of the buildings. Secondary mission was to figure out why they were here and what they were guarding. What could so important on a college campus that Hydra felt the need to post guards to protect it?

“Bucky, what’s your status?” Steve’s voice came over the com tucked into James’ ear, and the man sighed.

“I’m inside th’ school, Rogers,” he replied, keeping his voice low. He could probably talk at full volume and still not be heard over the general racket of students moving between classes, but it was always better to assume that somebody was listening in. “You were right ‘bout Hydra, but they’re not ‘xactly hidin’,” he complained. “They’re guardin’ somethin’ in one of th’ buildings.”

“Which building?” Steve asked.

James rolled his eyes. “I ain’t got a map o’ the school on me, punk,” he retorted, ducking into an empty classroom and looking around. “Why am I th’ one that’s doin’ this again?” he asked.

“Because intel says that Doctor Banner is there, and since Tony is out of the country at the moment, you’re the only one that won’t set off any alarm bells,” Steve told him patiently. “Or cause a scene. Probably.”

“I ain’t exactly blendin’ in, and I have a metal arm,” James argued back softly, the arm in question flexing underneath the black turtleneck he’d worn to help disguise said arm. He didn’t look young enough to pass for a student - though he’d been surprised to discover that colleges didn’t limit their classes to a specific age range anymore - but he might pass as a teacher if anybody stopped him to ask questions. As long as they didn’t ask too many and piss James off.

“Whatever. Got any idea where I’m gonna find ‘im?” James sniped back. “I ain’t got time to scour the whole place.”

There was a moment of quiet on the other side while Steve conferred with Sam and Natasha, then he was back. “Nat says try the science building.”

“Science building,” James repeated doubtfully. This place had like a dozen science buildings, maybe more. And that was just the main campus! “Direction?”

“Pick one,” Sam said shortly, taking over from Steve.

James bit back the retort on the tip of his tongue and considered that for a moment. “A’ight,” he agreed. There was a prolonged silence.

“All right?” Sam asked at last. “All right? Just like that?” His tone was heavy with doubt, and James ducked back out of the classroom, grateful to find that the halls had emptied considerably while he’d been debating his next move.

“Yup, jus’ like that,” James replied cheerfully, heading towards a side door. He’d circle back around once he was outside.

“You’re going after whatever Hydra’s guarding, aren’t you?” Sam asked, resigned.

“It could be important,” James pointed out. “‘Sides, there’s a bunch of kids here. I was gonna have to take them out anyhow, before they hurt anyone,” he added.

“Yes, well, let’s just hope Banner doesn’t turn Hulk and take out the whole campus,” Steve sighed, back on the comms again. “You got a plan?”

“I thought that was your schtick,” James retorted, watching the building he’d noticed almost immediately upon entering the campus grounds. The Hydra agents were lounging around, pretending like they weren’t guarding anything. They were all young, most of them dressed casually, and James wouldn’t have given them a second glance if they hadn’t been so obvious about hanging around the place.

“Bucky,” Steve sighed, but he didn’t push the issue. The truth was that this should’ve been _his_ assignment, but he’d somehow managed to get himself shot full of holes in their last skirmish with some Hydra baddies and was stuck in Medical. Super soldier serum wasn’t a cure-all, and Steve would probably be on bed rest for at least another couple of days. And with Thor off-planet, that left James as the only one that might survive a violent encounter with the Hulk, if Bruce Banner chose not to hear him out.

“Look, for all I know, they’re guardin’ the science building where Banner’s at,” he pointed out. “And they’re all young, probably new recruits, doin’ a job before they’re allowed to be initiated into the ranks.”

“Like a job interview?” Sam asked, appalled.

“Kinda,” James agreed, “‘cept this job interview comes with a lifetime commitment. These kids have no idea what they’re gettin’ themselves into.”

“Maybe we can make them reconsider,” Steve said. James hummed noncommittally. It wasn’t his job to make these kids reconsider their poor life choices.

One of the students lounging in the shade of a tree, pretending to study, looked up and met James’ eyes. Keeping his expression neutral, James continued his casual walk towards the group. There was no way he would’ve been able to sneak into the building without being noticed anyhow. He just needed to get close enough to take them down.

He tapped on his earpiece. “Sorry, Stevie. Gotta go silent for a few. I’ll let you know what I find.”

“Bucky, wait a -” Steve started, but James cut him off before he could finish.

“Shouldn’t you be in class or something?” James asked, falling into neutral speech easily. He’d started to regain some of his Brooklyn accent around the other Avengers, but he could smooth out his words to completely eliminate any accent in his tone.

The kid shrugged. “Nah,” he said. “It’s a free period.”

James shrugged back. “If you say so,” he agreed easily. “But if you’ll excuse me, I have a class of my own to be getting to.” He turned his back on the kid and headed for the front doors, which were guarded by half a dozen students, leaning against the walls on either side of them, chatting casually. But James hadn’t taken half a dozen steps before they were straightening up, watching him suspiciously.

“Sorry, sir,” the boy behind him said. “I’m afraid we can’t let you go in there. This building’s off-limits unless you’re on the list. And you’re not on the list.”

James paused, considered that for a moment. “You sure about that?” he asked. “I might be. I don’t know that your bosses ever deactivated my assignment.” He grinned, sharp and humorless. “I suggest you step aside, now, before you get hurt.”

“You’re the only one that’s gonna be hurtin’, old man,” another boy said, cracking his knuckles threateningly, the girl next to him popping a piece of gum, looking unimpressed. James almost laughed; these kids couldn’t have scared him even if they’d been holding him at gunpoint. None of them had probably committed anything worse than retail theft in their whole lives. Maybe a stolen car or two, some drugs here or there. But murder? Hah. Not a chance, or they wouldn’t be here, on a college campus guarding a building on the off-chance that somebody like James would come waltzing in and want to know what Hydra was up to.

Grateful that he hadn’t bothered to put on a suit - jeans and a t-shirt was a perfectly acceptable disguise for infiltrating a college campus - James braced himself for the first wave of attack. He was going to have to pull his punches with these kids.

The first boy swung, and James caught his fist, pulling him forward as he twisted to the side and stuck his foot out, tripping the kid. The girl he’d noticed before laughed. “Talk about lame, Skyler!” she mocked, pulling a switchblade out from her back pocket. Before she could do more than flip it open, James grabbed it with his metal hand, crushing it and shoving the girl back into the wall behind her with his flesh hand.

“I do believe there is a no weapons on campus policy,” he informed her mildly. She bared her teeth at him, and he sighed. “Look, why don’t we just do this all civil-like, and you just tell me what Hydra’s got you guarding.”

There was a moment of confusion. “Hydra?” the kid that had attacked him - Skyler - asked, climbing to his feet. “Who said anything about Hydra?”

James barely glanced at him, his gaze finding the first kid who’d spoken, who he assumed was their leader. “Well?” he asked.

The boy smiled. “Sorry, but I’m afraid we can’t do that. You see, we don’t really have a choice.”

James was about to point out that they probably didn’t make enough to take on the _Winter Soldier_ when he paused, tilting his head. “You hear something?” he asked.

“Are you stalling?” the kid asked, and James realized the others were forming a circle around him. But the rumbling sound continued, growing louder, a series of loud pops and bangs, coming from…

“Get down!” James snapped, his hand reaching out and grabbing the kid’s collar, yanking him down as he hit the ground, covering his head just before the whole building behind him shook, glass windows blowing outwards and the alarms shrieking as smoke poured out of three of the windows and the front doors.

James was up and on his feet, checking on the kids that were sprawled out on the lawn. They all appeared to be mostly okay - a couple of artificial cuts, maybe a few sprained limbs, but nothing life-threatening. Satisfied that the kids would be all right, James turned towards the front doors, watching in shock as a figure appeared through the smoke, coughing. He’d recognize that form anywhere.

“Tony?” he asked, incredulous.

Warm brown eyes looked up in surprise, blinking at him through a soot-covered face. “Terminator?” he asked. “What brings you here?” He started down the steps, then had to pause while he doubled over, coughing. James was up the stairs and grabbing him by the shoulders before he could pitch headfirst down them.

“I was looking for Doctor Banner,” James informed him, leading him down the stairs. “Because we couldn’t find you,” he added sarcastically.

Tony chuckled. “Yeah,” he agreed, his voice hoarse. “You’re a little late to the party. Bruce isn’t here. I already looked.”

James eyed him. “You came looking for Doctor Banner,” he repeated doubtfully. “And somehow you got kidnapped by Hydra and locked in a science building, which you then blew up.” All around them, students were peering out the windows of their classrooms, the explosion having triggered a lockdown until security could determine the source of the threat and decide whether an evacuation was warranted.

Tony smirked. “They locked me in the chemistry lab,” he pointed out. “I mean, what did they think I was going to do?” He looked up at James. “What would you have expected?”

James snorted. “I wouldn’t have locked you in any sort of lab,” he pointed out, his hand still on Tony’s elbow as he guided the other man away from the building. “I would’ve drugged you unconscious and brought you straight to th’ nearest Hydra safehouse. After makin’ sure there was nothin’ you could use to escape,” he added.

Tony snickered. “Yeah, well, these guys aren’t exactly criminal masterminds,” he said. “Probably not even Employee of the Month material.”

James grinned. “Probably not,” he agreed. “How long were you there?”

Tony gave him a look that spoke volume. “Less than an hour,” he said. “These kids were here looking for Bruce, too. I guess they figured I’d be the next best thing. Though I don’t know what they were planning to do if Bruce went big and angry on them.”

“Pretty sure their orders would’ve been to observe without engagin’,” James said. “But you’re just human.”

Tony hummed. “Well, whatever, Bruce is gone. What’d you need?” Then he paused, frowning. “Wait. Where’s Rogers?” he asked, his tone only slightly sour. He still hadn’t entirely forgiven Steve for leaving with a busted suit and no way to call for help in an abandoned bunker in Siberia. James still wasn’t entirely sure how he’d earned the man’s forgiveness, if he was honest. Sure, he’d apologized, because Tony had deserved _at least_ that much from him. But the fact remained that he’d followed Steve, had left Tony in that bunker, possibly to freeze to death. The fact that he didn’t know Tony, didn’t know anybody in the world he’d suddenly found himself in except for Steve, wasn’t an excuse.

And yet, Tony had gone out of his way to help him, to cure him of Hydra’s triggers, to give him a new, functioning arm that didn’t cause him pain with its mere existence. Tony had given him a second chance, and James didn’t intend to waste it.

“Yeah, well, if you’ve been here that long, Hydra agents won’t be that far behind,” James murmured, hurrying them across campus. He didn’t hear sirens yet, which likely meant that Hydra was interfering with their response time. Luckily, Tony had been aiming for distraction and jailbreak, rather than actual destruction. The explosion had been loud and flashy, but the building was still standing, and likely only had superficial damage.

“We’ll be gone long before then, RoboCop,” Tony told him, grinning. James looked up at a familiar sound, seeing one of Tony’s armors heading towards them. It broke apart and Tony pulled away from James so the armor could form around him. Once he was suited up, Tony turned towards James with a grin, holding out one gauntleted hand. “What do you say we get out of here?” he suggested lightly.

James considered it for a moment, then nodded. “Sure,” he agreed. “Let’s fly.” He’d update the others once they were away from here. Tony snapped his faceplate down, and James got himself settled against the armor, holding on firmly enough that he wouldn’t fall off during a short flight.

Five minutes later, they were miles away from the university campus, standing on a roof and eating donuts in companionable silence. Tony was, of course, the first to break it.

“All right, James,” he said, respecting James’ desire to be called by his first name while he figured out who he was in this time and age, “want to fill me in on what’s going on?”

James nodded, turning his comms back on. “Steve?” he asked.

“Bucky!” Steve said, sounding somewhere between angry and relieved. “Are you okay? Where are you?”

James looked around, then shrugged. “I’m fine,” he reassured the other man. “I’m with Tony. We’re eatin’ donuts.” Next to him, Tony was snickering, his face buried in a cup of coffee.

“Tony?” Steve repeated. “What in the world happened at the school?”

James settled down, sitting on the roof with his legs hanging over the edge. This was probably going to take a while, and then Natasha was going to have to explain what they needed to Tony.

“Well, Stevie, it happened like this…”


End file.
